Behind on the times....

I'm so behind on the times. I have been procrastinating on blogging lately and of course have a little demanding baby on my hands. Right now we are in the process of teaching Ilexis how to sleep in her crib by crying it out. It has been difficult, but today, I decided to take my hearing aids out and not listen to her. Amazing what a big difference it makes, I didn't have to listen to the poor little baby crying her heart out and feel so guilty and horrible. Poor thing doesn't understand that it's for her good.

Coming up soon...I have a ton of pictures and videos from Ilexis' birth to now. I still have to record my birth story. I hope I can remember the details I wanted to remember.

I've had to deal with quite a bit of personal things over the past few months so it's taken it's toll on me and I had no desire to blog. However, today I am determined to change that attitude and keep better record and share my life and faith with others. I feel that this blog is the best way I can connect with family and friends. Please forgive me for the person I've been over the past few months...I feel I haven't been myself since Ilexis was born, but slowly I'm starting to feel myself as I adapt to this change.

Ilexis is growing so fast, but she brings such love and joy into our lives. Every time it's Ben's turn to pray, he always thanks Heavenly Father for giving us such a precious gift. I can't believe how much love I truly feel when I hold her in my arms and have her smile at me and touch my face. She has started giving me slobbery kisses and I love it! She doesn't do it for anyone else but me so I feel quite special! She is such a smart girl and I love being able to be at home with her!

I went back to work about 3 months after I had Ilexis (December 1st). Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I didn't even say good bye to Ilexis when I dropped her off at the baby-sitter's. I was so afraid I would cry and never stop. Ilexis has been having a hard time adapting to the change and every night would cling to me and nurse for 2 hours at a time. I would try to unlatch her only to have her sob and sob. I always feel so horrible. She also refuses to take a bottle or a pacifier. We've tried countless times to teach her how to take a bottle, but as the stubborn little girl she is, she gets so mad. Ben started to bring her in work every two to three hours so I could feed her since we didn't want her to starve. In the end, Ben and I decided it would be easier for me to stay home with Ilexis since Ben would be returning to school soon and we felt that it would be too hard to have the baby-sitters come to me every two to three hours. So, I am now staying at home with Ilexis. We know things will work out and even though money will be very tight, I feel much better staying home with Ilexis.

Another reason why we decided to have me stay home was because the hours got cut at work and they didn't have enough hours for me as well. Heavenly Father will help us if we do what's right.

I better go now since Ilexis is awake now. More updates to come!

No baby yet....

Here I am sitting at the computer trying to entertain myself and reading other people's blogs and then I decided...I better write a post. I wish I could be better but it's hard to motivate myself to write down things for some reason.

This little princess has some last minute goodbyes to say on the other side so she's taking her sweet time coming to earth. I know I need to trust in Heavenly Father and his timing but today it has been rough. Her due date was yesterday and I was really hoping she would come early so I wouldn't have to go to work anymore. However, things will work out for the best.

I finished up the baby's room last week. It is cute. I have pictures but they are not up on the computer yet and the camera is in the hospital bag. I rather leave it there til after the baby is born. I'm afraid that I'll forget the camera and I want to have pictures!

One of my friend's brother-in-law took some maternity pictures last week so I guess I'll share my favorite ones. These are 39 weeks.

30 weeks and 10 to go! EEK!

I have been a slacker as always and put off posting. I decided I better get busy and post what's new in the life of the Curtis's.

First of all....I'm almost 30 weeks...can't believe how far along I already am! Only 10 more weeks to go and we'll get to meet this little princess! I'll be honest...I've been reading all these things about labor and started to cry. I told Ben that I rather not go through labor. She can stay inside me as long as she wants, but then on the other hand, I want to see and hold her. Here is a picture of me...I haven't posted any pictures...it's hard to get Ben to take pictures of me and hard for me to remember to take them when I look decent. Excuse the fake smile....I was just getting over the flu and still not feeling so great.

Little baby knows her daddy's voice....she always moves when he sings to her and I love it! It is amazing, she won't move for other people, but when Ben is around....she wiggles like crazy. Ben came to bed a little while after I did one night and he started whispering/singing to her "Hold to the Rod" I was asleep by then, but once he started singing, she started moving and letting Ben know she heard him. Even though I didn't appreciate being woken up, I had a great feeling of peace and serenity that I wouldn't have traded for 5 minutes of sleep!

We have decided to move into some other apartments that are in the ward that we are currently in. This was a tough decision for us to make since the apartment is a lot smaller. We will definitely have to downsize a bit, but Ben and I decided to simplify our lives by getting rid of stuff that we really don't need. I about fell over when Ben proposed we pack up our t.v. and let my older sister use the t.v. until he is done with school. I don't mind...I can definitely do without a t.v. It will be nice not to have that temptation around. We'll still watch movies on the computer so it won't be a big deal. Of course, I tried to propose to get rid of the computer too... but keep the laptop, however that didn't work out so well with Ben.

Ben was not able to get into the summer program for nursing, so he won't be able to graduate until Spring of 2011. I was very disappointed and upset but I'm trying to keep my mind open and not sit down and give up. It is hard for me to say that I know the Lord has a plan for us especially right now when I feel that everything we try to plan doesn't work out. But I do know that the Lord has a bigger picture than we do, I just struggle with accepting His terms sometimes. This has been a hard few months for me but I'm blaming it on the pregnancy hormones and striving to take one day at a time.

Anyway....I better get started on the packing and dejunking...I'm actually looking forward to getting rid of a lot of stuff! Wish me luck!

Thoughts....

Ben is studying for his finals right now, so I decided to share some thoughts I have been having as of lately. Life is just amazing...It can be so hard but yet so rewarding.

I have a favor to ask of all of you....Ben is wanting to go to school during the summer, but he hasn't been admitted to the summer program, but we are hoping that there will be someone who decides to drop out. So I would like all of you to pray for Ben to be able to go to school this summer because he really really wants to finish sooner (December 2010 instead of May 2011) and he is very motivated to finish. We both want me to be able to stay home with this little one and for me, I feel so strongly that I need to stay at home and be a mom. I have this big fear that if I don't stay home with my little girl that I won't be able to communicate with her since the babysitters will probably talk with her verbally. It is very important to me to have my baby to communicate with me and I just feel so strongly that the best way to accomplish that is to have me stay home. I already struggle with communicating with others and I don't want that struggle between me and my child. So, sorry....I'm selfish and want Ben to be done with school. All the prayers you can give will be wonderful. But whatever Heavenly Father's will is...I will accept, I know he will provide a way for us.

We are thinking about moving out of this apartment and moving into a better maintained apartment. As horrible as this is, we applied for government assisted housing and hopefully we'll get approved. I feel stupid, but the conditions in this apartment worries me... the carpet is falling apart and I don't know how clean it is. I feel so germ-phobic but I worry about Baby Curtis crawling around grabbing gobs of carpet and eating it. The apartment is heated by baseboard heaters and I worry about her getting her hands stuck in those...I know...sorry if any of you roll your eyes at me and think...oh bother...she's going too far, but I do have those concerns and have to follow my instincts.

Anyway....I need to go to bed right now since I work at 8 tomorrow morning. I hope all is going well with each and every one of you. I wish I could communicate better with most of you. Have a wonderful day!

It's a.....

Hello, hello!!! I have very exciting news!! Ben and I will be welcoming a little princess in our home in a few months!! We also got the chance to get a good look at this beautiful princess's face! It was the most amazing experience! The ultrasound tech told me that she is a little mover. My mom came to interpret for us and she told him that this baby takes after her mommy because her mommy moved around a lot too. I know I'll have my hands full with this little ball of energy! The moment we found out, I got the most amazing feeling and knew for sure that Heavenly Father picked me to be her mother.

I've been feeling very strongly that this little one was a girl. I've had a few neat experiences in the past few weeks. I am the Miamaid Advisor in my ward and New Beginnings was at the end of March. It was such a spiritual night and I grew so much. One of the speakers was telling a story about a princess and during the moment, I had a little whisper in my head that I was going to be entrusted with one of Heavenly Father's princesses and that she was exquisite.

I just can't believe I'm going to be a mother to a little baby! I'm so grateful for the technology we have now so that I can know for sure that my baby is healthy and strong. I am just amazed with the love that just fills my heart and I can't wait to meet this little one! Looking at her pictures...I just know she's so beautiful and the spirit that is to inhabit that body is even more beautiful!

I asked Ben a few minutes ago if he was disappointed. He told me no... not at all. I know he'll probably do anything for her knowing his tender big heart.

Here's a picture of her flexibility skills! Her cute little feet are all the way to her head. I was just amazed!

I better go. I have a lot more other things I need to post about, but I'll save that for another day and go to bed. Hope you enjoyed all the pictures!

Long time...

I have again not posted for a long time. I need to try to be better!!! This post will be short as I have to go to work soon. I just thought I would give everyone the update and let you all know how we are doing. I am doing well. Finally through with the morning sickness stage and relieved! The thing I struggle with the most right now is working and being on my feet all day. The first thing I do when I get home is sit down and put my feet up. Ben is doing well...keeping up with his studies and working at Best Buy. He seems to enjoy his new job and I'm happy for him.

We had our doctor's appointment on Tuesday and things are going well. The baby is growing and has a good heart beat. I got to hear it's heart beat on March 2nd and it was amazing! I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hear it but it was very loud and could not be missed! Ben also got to hear the heart beat on Tuesday. We will be getting an ultrasound in two weeks to find out if baby is boy or girl...if it cooperates! I have mixed feelings about this...I'm not sure I want to know because I'm afraid of being disappointed even though I don't care if I have a boy or girl. I have already had a nightmare about having an ultrasound so I'm starting to wonder if there's something deep down inside bothering me. :)

I have been able to feel the baby move for quite some time. At first, I could not really tell if it was just my imagination. But now I can tell and I love it! It likes to move a lot when I'm walking around at work. I'm still in denial that I'm actually carrying one of Heavenly Father's children. I feel so strange and at the same time I'm very excited!

I will have to post again soon. I hope...if I don't...those of you who live close-by can remind me!

Yes.....it's true.....

Hello everyone!! I'm back on this blog finally updating my blog. I have absolutely no excuse. I just never really had the time to really sit down and blog. I don't know where all my time goes but I assure you, it disappears fast!

Ben and I would like to announce that there's a new little one coming into our family! We went in to the doctor today and finally found out our due date. Little Curtis baby is due August 31st. We also had the opportunity to see the cute little bug in an ultrasound. Here it is... The little circles are the arms and the biggest blob is the head and the little blob is the body. I hope that makes sense. I had a hard time trying to watch the ultrasound and trying to figure out what they were saying. Next time, I am just going to ignore them and watch the ultrasound. I did have to laugh at Ben because he said, "it's moving around?!" and I just almost cried.

I know it isn't much but it moves around so much and was the neatest experience of my life. I just sat there and felt so warm inside. I can't believe Ben and I are going to be parents and I already worry for this little one but I know if I have faith and keep on going that the Lord will bless us.

We have felt so blessed over the past couple weeks. Even though I have been sick, throwing up and being exhausted, I feel that the Lord is preparing me to become stronger spiritually. This is silly, but I was convinced that because I couldn't hear, the Lord would not curse me with morning sickness...however, I feel that being sick has made me appreciate my own mother more. I don't understand how she went through this ten times, but I'm glad she did because I'm number 9 and if she stopped before that, I wouldn't be here.

I know many of you are surprised because we always said that we wouldn't start a family until after Ben graduated. We have both felt strongly that we needed to start a family and decided to leave it to the Lord and let Him decide. That for me was really hard....to completely trust the Lord and know that He will provide for us in the next year. That is one big leap of faith for us.

I will be sure to blog more often. I am also thinking about making my blog private because I've heard a lot of scary stories out there....especially over the internet. Anyway...that's all I have to share for now.